Wednesday, April 10, 2013

What Would You Ask?

Next Saturday I will be giving a brief presentation at the agency that arranged my son's adoption. I've been invited to talk about my own experience as well as first/birthfather issues and experiences in a broader context.This has left me groping for handholds. There's so much that I could cover, but I only have thirty minutes. To narrow things down I've decided to come to you, my brain trust.

What do you want to know about my experience?

What questions do you have about first/birthfathers?

Have I shared anything here that changed your perspective? What merits repeating?

Please help me and the hopeful future parents I'll be talking with this weekend. Take a moment to leave your questions and ideas in the comments, send me an e-mail, or a tweet. The presentation is Saturday the 20th, so the earlier you can get something to me the more help it will be. As always anonymous comments are welcome. If you don't want a comment to be published just say so in the comment itself. I'll read it, but will not publish it. Take warning: this may lead to a new series of posts.

Thanks for your time.


  1. If the people you'll be talking to are prospective adoptive parents:
    How do you know if an expectant father does or does not want to be involved? Sometimes, PAPs are told that the edad doesn't want contact, but the edad just hasn't been invited to the table, so to speak.

    How can you extend openness to an expectant/birth father who has not previously been involved?

    Oh, and I'm not sure this is the type of question you're looking for, but, adoptive parents are always asking on forums, What gift can I get my child's birth father?

    Honestly, just the fact that you are here changed my perspective, years ago. Thank you for continuing to share your experiences!

  2. Reading your blog has challenged and changed my perspectives of adoption. It's a treat to read such a good blog.

    How do you hope your son will feel about you when he's older?
    What role do you expect to play in his life later? Will it be the same as now or do you believe it'll change with time?
    How do you suggest adoptive parents talk about and tell their children about their birth families?
    How has being a birth father and having an open adoption with your child changed your life and the way you view things?

  3. How generous that you are doing this for the PAPs of your agency! Putting myself in their shoes, in addition to the suggestions you've already received, I would love for you to address:
    - What made you select the match you did? How is/isn't it living up to your hopes and expectations?
    - What were and are your fears about OA? How can PAP address them?
    - How would/wouldn't you like your son's parents to navigate their relationships with other members of his birth family?
    - What makes for a "good" update or visit? What makes them "bad"?
    - How would you like your son's parents to describe you and your relationship with him and them to other people in their lives? What wouldn't you want them to share?

    I hope you'll let us know how it goes!


What do you think? I'm curious.